Monday, July 11, 2011

Thank you, Bill Murray. I am aware.

Oh, good Lord! It's happened. Again. I say again with a lot of anger because it's what I am about to type is true to its blackened ashy core where all dreams can end with just these two words...I suck.

The saying goes "You are your own worst critic." But that's just a saying. What if you're reading your work and you literally feel at the pit of your stomach or like a needle in the loose part of forehead skin and you just are the worst writer in the world. No amount of praise or adulation can band-aid this magnificent void filled with plot holes and one dimensional characters.

You use the word "and" too many times. There are enough "likes" to choke a Clydesdale. If you could only stop using the phrase "it seemed like"...if only there were a button you could press that would erase everything you knew about your book and read it for the very first time as a normal human reader and not an insane moron with a case of the "I hate life!" syndrome.

It has this funny way of creeping up, doesn't it? The hating your writing thing? You get on a're writing like Stephen King, ideas and adjective are flying out of your ass! Invisable confetti is tickling your face because somewhere, someone in Heaven is celebrating your brilliant-ness! You haven't used the word like in over four chapters! The word BESTSELLER is drilling into your skull in a way that hurts so good. You grab a drink to celebrate...THOSE WERE THE BEST CHAPTERS YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN!

Then....two days later when you're re-reading so that you can transition into the next sub-plot hits you like a Buffalo falling out of a low flying hot air balloon. You are the shittiest writer that the world ever crapped out.

So, what do you do fellow writer? When your worst critic comes out and tells you that your dream of writing is nothing but a dream? That you are the worst writer in the world? Share with me your secret of wonderfulness? I beg of you!


  1. Um, well, first of all I laugh myself silly at the image of a buffalo falling out of a low flying hot air balloon. That takes a lot of the sting out.

    Next, I take a break. I step away from whatever got me thinking I'm a talentless shrew and go do something that brings me joy: Exercising, reading, watching a movie, singing so loud the neighbors hear, talking with a friend. Then, a couple days later, I revisit what upset me. It may not be perfect but I can accept it and move on with it. It's just mending that initial stab wound that takes the most time.

    Please don't give up!

  2. Sigh. I don't know how I deal with because I don't know if I never stop thinking that. LOL! I guess, I'm confident that I have a good story to tell and whether or not I tell it well is a matter of skill. You can learn to write better. You can learn to REVISE better. I think that's the key and let yourself make stupid typos and run-on sentences. You can always fix it. Just get the story down. See the whole picture. Take a break. Try, try again. :D Good luck!!

  3. I'm with Hannah. Definitely pulling away from the WIP helps some of those bad feelings to go away. :)

  4. @E. Elle- It's so hard! When I do walk away I'm mostly just muttering what an idiot I am! :) I will most definately try the singing though. Especially Diseny Princess songs..those always make me happy! lol

    @Hannah- I need to train myself to move forward. I have the problem of backtracking when I need to get the story all down. I wish I had a personal trainer to yell at me when I try to revise as I write!

    @A.A- I'm going to give it a shot fo' shizzle! ;P

  5. OMG, I would kill for a personal writing trainer. WRITE WRITE WRITE!! Though The Picard does his duty fairly well. He just sits behind me expectantly and says "Engage." Then I do!

  6. Do you know what I do when I hear those words? I keep going. I have heard those words lots in my head and I have even had real people say the words to me but I have a writing contract so... the first draft is always crap so expect it.

    1. Speaking as the world's greatest writer, I can say that the author of this blog is not even close to being the world's worst writer. So just relax and write whenever you happen to feel like it. Writing was never destined to be harnessed into a mere business, thus peril awaits when forcing this art in that direction. The muse favors few on a regular basis, and those it rarely visits cry "writer's block." I've frankly never had any such problem. Guess I was just blessed with a big bullshit gene.

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