Saturday, March 26, 2011

While researching..I found a monster.

I've been researching for the perfect animal to turn into something crazy/weird/magical and have run into some odd Google images. This one in particular I cannot wrap my head around..
And I have a pretty big head.

Is this real? Should I assume that English Mastiffs are part of a steroid testing center?

And more so, is this happy couple insane? If the dog had a rabid outrage it could swallow both of them and ride the horse home.

Do they not see that they have a giant monster on a leash? What is that man going to accomplish with that leash were the dog to take off into a sprint?

Looking like a retard as he is dragged through the park and then eaten as a morning snack, that's what he'll accomplish.

Silly people and their flimsy leash.

I suppose the gravestones in the background are there as a sign, to bad everyone is smiling and oblivious. They should be wielding 150,000 watt cattle prods.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Clean something, damn you!

She is dead. Cold. Mentally unstable and has not one shred of consideration for me and what I need. main character.

Our conversation goes like this:

Me: Hey you! What are you doing, just standing there?
MC: I'm enjoying the cold pits of despair you've so generously written me into.
Me: Well, do you think you could do something? Stab someone? Clean the coffee table?
MC: I can think of one person I would like to stab.
Me: Hm, interesting..*scribbles down notes* Could you tell me who that might be? Are they going to die?
MC: Yes. *evil grin* I think they will be dying.
Me: I'll be going now.

And because of her insubordination she is currently being dragged into a field by very large, very rabid and very blind trio of dogs.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Dead city workers don't plot.

And so today marks a day 15th of writing with the white heat of adventure!

I have yet to decide what my climax will be as I have written in 6 or 7 sub-plots and 2 possible major plots. I may or may not have over done myself.

I have said before that I was working well with outlining prior to writing. As you can probably guess, that tanked. Much like the remainder of my hopes and dreams.

Here are reasons I cannot plot ahead:

1. I have no patience for plotting. Once I get an idea in my head I have to run with it. Plotting seems to rip the guts out of all the excitement. It's alot like in life. Would it be more fun to somehow find yourself hitch hiking on a strange island with a pineapple strapped to your head? Or would planning a flight and hotel stay on said island be more of a rush?

I'm with you. Give me the damn pineapple. Life is hum drum enough on its own.

2. I really like witnessing my characters take over. Most of the time, if you allow them too, they will take you in a direction that is even better then any one you could have planned out. One minute they are walking to Wal-Mart for a first aid kit with a dead cat in their back pack and the next they are using the dead cat as weapon to fight off undead city workers.

3. There is always room to go back and collapse things, move things, take out scenes and worthless characters. Seems to me if you plot someone in it would be difficult to rip them out. I have a post-it that says "NO GOING BACK" it reminds me to not get stuck in revising things that can wait. Forge ahead people! The past can be least with fiction it can.

4. Since most of my "balls" have been ripped off due to the sedentary lifestyle of parenthood and pointless job I find that writing with the wind is akin to drinking straight whiskey and daring a scary trucker with dried blood on his yellow wife beater to a game of Russian roulette. Or something like that.

5. Even if it doesn't make sense, as first drafts rarely do, what's important is getting to the end. I myself have yet to make it there but in my imagination, when I do finally reach it, I feel accomplished. Relieved. And alot less like a loser who has no follow through. These are good things. I want these things.

SO, with that being said and minutes of your life drained away from this post I bid you adieu kind people. I'm off to write things.

Pineapples await!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Undead Zombiefied Hero?

Zombies are not written about enough.

And I ask you now, good people of Blogger, why can't the living dead get the somewhat self esteem challenged but beautiful girl?

Why is it always the vampire or werewolf that get to strut around confident and powerful? Why do they, supernatural hotties of the fiction world get to be the mysterious ones getting all the attention?

What about the slightly gray decomposing gentlemen pacing the graveyard? What about him? He is lonely, he enjoys classical music, maybe he would like an attractive girl to stalk around the city or watch while she sits alone in a park.

How would you feel about a new twist on zombies? Instead of them being relentless, mindless, shuffling flesh eaters; how would you feel if they were portrayed in a new light?

Of course they would still be dead and possibly a tad mentally off...
But let's say they maintained employment and were really good at algebra? Pottery? Taxidermy?

Let's say, the zombie is the hero of the day who gets the girl?

Your thoughts?