Monday, June 21, 2010

Giving out an awardy! Live it, Love it.

Hello world...
I recieved an award from vivacious and exceedingly talented and articulate Lisa Gibson. Thank you Lisa! I am super grateful that I got this. You have given me the warm weighty feeling in my stomach propelling me forward, the part of me that was itching to blog.


And here are the rules....
1. Thank and link back to the person who bestowed upon you the wonderful award. (which would be me...just sayin')
2. Share seven interesting or amusing things about yourself.

3.Pass the award top 15 bloggers you have just recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for any and all reasons!!

4. Contact the bloggers you picked to let them about the award!


Seven things about me:
1-I am not a cat person.
2-I do not collect a random object of the world in order to clutter up my life and closet space.
3-Bees are unnatural insects that should be destroyed. If a see a bee or even hear a weird buzzing I quickly jog... but never drop my cigarette.
4- If I can, I buy all my clothes black. Not because Im making a statement..simply because I like to look depressed.
5- If I had to stand anywhere for 6 hours straight without moving, it would be in front of the ocean.
6- Most of my sleep is dreamless.
7- I give up on the world on a daily basis..but only in spurts.
NOW the 15 lucky people.......
And there we go! Onward and upward my friends! We all have writing to do!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

80? Me, no way!

Right now I'm wearing a long strapless red gown, slit up my pasty, yet attractive thigh. Its sequins are glittering in the glow of a dim light bulb. My hair is wrapped in a frizzy bun with with toddler butterfly clips. I can feel the weight of mascara pulling my eye lids down onto the chubby cushions of my cheeks. I have never felt so beautiful and so disturbed at the same time.

In my un-manicured hand, donning my newest chewed index fingers I hold a half empty Mountain Strawberry Suave shampoo bottle pretending its an award, and even though the flip-flops are throwing off the whole ensemble I can ignore it because....I HAVE 80 FOLLOWERS!




No. Freaking.Way.





There are allot of things I have accomplished in my life. (well, not really, but just go with it.) But this rules them all. This almost wipes out all the sordid black marks on my lifes record.

Not once did I think I would have 80 random strangers want to hear or read rather, to anything I have to say. Because lets face it, most of the time, even though my height is jarring and the way I saunter down the office halls like an x-assassin who just joined a prison football team...people tend to steer clear of the shadow I cast. "Will she help me with this application, or will she scalp me and grow a cactus in my skull?"

But this...this proves that I am not a test tube baby sent from the Mercury to kill and destroy the dreams of others with sarcastic comments and uninterested stares...


I know what I am, and I am certainly not worth 80 bitchin' people so this is a f'ing great day! Considering the prior 27 years of my seemingly pointless journey through time filled with the screams of small childern and piles of laundry that now haunt my every waking moment.


Thanks to all of you who care enough to be here. Even if you pass through on a whim and read two or three sentences... I love you and I want to have your babies.


Well, no I don't. Kids are too much work and one us has to act responsible.


Nevertheless, thank you for being here. And if no one has told you lately, you look like you've lost weight and yes, that hat was the best purchase you ever made!





On a side note, when I'm rich and famous..rolling around on beds of crispy new Benjamin's I will send you all a giant basket filled with locks of my hair and smalls jars filled with tiny amounts of my fat after I get lipo with my new fortune..

Don't throw up, I was only kidding.




Or I'll just send you all an email telling you that because you're awesome...you have made me awesome.





Or I could go to bed now and stop talking crazy.





I love you all! Thanks for getting my lowly Blog to 80 followers!!


And if I'm not following you, let me know..because I want too!





THANK YOU AGAIN! I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU ALL HERE!