Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Somewhere in the midst of two weeks I lost all focus. It's like my brain was violently torn from my skull by some ancient Egyptian curse, then carried away into the afterlife to be used as a hemorrhoid pillow for Satan's ass.
I lost all the will to write, to blog, to do anything but watch Two and Half Men and eat lunch meat right out of the pack.
Has that ever happened to you? Go through a phase of a pointless-weight-gaining syndrome where you can take your dreams or leave them? The air so thick with depression that you actually gag out and throw up in your mouth?
Well it happened to me. It was disgusting, it was odd....I'm pretty sure that smell of sour ham was coming from my hair.
BUT TODAY, I had 4 sugar-caked donuts, 2 rockstars and I'm about to eat something else loaded with carbs as soon as I sniff it out....which means someone is going to be missing some change soon.
The whole point of this is to apologize for not reading your blogs or blogging at all.
You must know by now that I am an nut case capable of bouts of insanity at the drop of a dime or donut...or anything else that can get clogged in your arteries.
HOWEVA, I'm going to be writing this week. I even scheduled it in my calender. If you're not writing, you're waiting..so that makes me a waiter. And I hate serving food.
I want to be a writer dammit. So I'm back on the train...creativity is seeping through my pores. My characters are whispering promises they don't intend to keep. Out there somewhere is an agent feeling empty and hollow, they don't know why, they aren't sure what their purpose is anymore.....what they don't know, is that hollow place in their soul is a space only I can fill with my literary talents and sharp wit.
I have to save them....I have to make a difference. If only to save that agent from doing something they will regret. Creating a ripple effect that will ultimately ruin their lives and cause them to lose all of their hair.
I will set you free! Oh, literary agent who yearns for my unique words and plot lines! Your time has come.....
See, I knew I had a purpose. Somewhere under the layers these layers of chub and sarcastic defensive system lurks a best seller...an agent saver....a super hero.
Now, where's that sugar?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I hope all of you have a wonderfully relaxing Mother's Day today! Even those of you who aren't mothers, because let's face it, you never know when its going to happen and you're going to need to rest up.
Just remember when you think no one is watching, when you think you're going to pull out your hair or run away to some random island where you'll never do laundry again...remember that you're awesome and everything would fall apart without you.
Your family would be street rats wearing lion cloths and eating garbage scraps without you.
They would lose the house.
The electric would get shut off.
And your husband would be a mumbling idiot.
Chaos and darkness would ensue without you, because your awesome. You're a mom.
By far, the toughest most thankless job in the world.
Today is your day...make someone rub your feet because dammit..tomorrow you've got work to do!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
LOTS OF LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!