Friday, April 23, 2010

Bitch Slaps and Eyebrows..

Now I’m not one to stare but when there is someone talking to me who has no teeth and bloated neon red gums I tend to focus on it. Why do people do that? Stare at things that are disturbing and universally gross? It’s not right. I don’t even know why I do it.

Or when someone has crossed eyes? Which eye do you look at? Do they see normally or are they really looking at the ceiling? I find that if I look at the eyebrows I have a pretty okay conversation. You’ll never meet someone with misshapen eyebrows. Unless there was an aerosol can explosion it’s pretty safe to say that the eyebrows are the best focal point for conversing with a person with facial enigmas.

I bet you didn’t know that not only am I an office manager but I manage an office for a company that provides services for people with disabilities. Things like downs syndrome, autism and cerebral palsy, I love that part of my job. You never know when inspiration or disaster will strike. These guys know how to live! Why just the other day a young boy with Down syndrome came to my desk. He’s about eleven and always pats his head. When I say pat I mean smack really friggin’ hard.

I asked him how he was doing and immediately he walks around me desk with a big smile.

“Ahh you want a hug?” I say putting out my arms.

He walks towards me, not looking me in the eyes but still smiling. Things are getting weird. I can feel with my sixth sense that something not fun is going to happen. He makes his way behind me. I’m on high alert at this point but then he puts his arms around my shoulders and I think I’m going to get a real hug this time. Most other times I get bit or pinched or sat on.

I put my hand up to pat his arm and then…WHAMO!

He bitch slaps me on the cheek.

I’m not going to lie. It hurt like hell. But I couldn't stop laughing. It was so awesome that I got bitch slapped at my desk. What’s even better is that I didn’t know it was coming. That just goes to show you that the best things in life come when your not expecting it

Have a great weekend everybody! I will miss you while I'm scouring dishes and picking up dog crap!


  1. Best. Title. Ever.

    Your writing is punchy & unexpected. I can't wait to see how this translates into your novel. Do you write humor?

  2. You are so funny!! Have a great weekend!

  3. Hee hee, your post made me laugh out loud!

    Milt x

  4. Kirsten: You know what..I didn't start writing humor until just recently. I have a dark side that tends to take over when I write.

    Karen: Thanks Karen!! You too!

    Milton: I love the name Milton!!

  5. Yeah, I can't wait to see how your humor pans out in your novel. You'll definitely have to post snippets just to keep us happy. :D

  6. That's so funny! You have a good attitude about what happened.

  7. Geez, talk about a day in the office! :)

    Hope you're enjoying your weekend picking up dog crap. Fun fun!

  8. I wonder how he saw you that he reacted like that? Does his mind process images in frightening aspects, do you think? Were you a threat to him? Or did he think your cheek was like the top of his head.

    I'm glad you found it funny. And in a way it was in the sense it is oddly amusing how life will come out of the corner and bitch slap without the slightest warning. You either roll with the punch or become punchy.

    Have an amusing {but non-bitch slap} weekend, Roland.

    Only the truly adventurous see the mountaintops in life.

  9. Wow - you don't have the easiest job, I suspect:) But if you like it, good for you!

  10. Very funny post, good writing!

    Always nice to meet a fellow writer


  11. Wow. I've never been bitch slapped at work. Some did throw a shoe at me once. (I worked at one of those buy-sell-trade places and I ran afoul of a crack head) I didn't find it amusing, mainly because I knew if I threw it back I'd get shit canned.
    Your story made me smile, its a beautiful thing when bitch slapping brings joy to the slapped.

  12. I've never had the privilege of being bitch-slapped at work. Although, there have been many times when I've wanted to do it to others. I'm glad it brought laughter to your day, instead of something worse.

  13. I find it really hard to look at people's eyebrows when I'm talking to them - it makes me dizzy. Also if you looked at my eyebrows I'd be paranoid because they are not in fact the same shape, haha!

  14. You are so hilarious! Poor dear, at least you got a laugh out of it though. I always look forward to your posts. They bring a smile for the day.

  15. Hey Hunni,

    I just tagged you in a Me in 3's fun little game thing

    enjoy :)

  16. Ouch!!! Life is so unexpected. At least you were laughing.