Monday, March 22, 2010

My shin hurts...

Happy Monday Blog! Someone shoot me.

I would like to say that the wedding party was a mild success! I was triumphant in getting insanely drunk followed by a period of time that, although I was conscious, I have no memory of it what so ever. My muscles hurt in places that I didn't know I had muscles in. Like my shin for instance. I was under the impression that the shin part of the leg was mostly bone but apparently there is a light layer of muscle there too. great. I'm walking around the office like I was raped by a rugby team.

My boyfriend told me that I punched him in the face five times. This I do not remember. However it explains why I can't move my wrist without a sharp pinching sensation. He says to me "Why did you punch me in the face?" I say "Because my sub-conscious hates you."

I pat him on the head and tell him I'm sorry then I commence with the rest of my wasted Sunday.

Also, I was drunk enough to not notice my middle body in a death grip, complements of my "suddenly skinny" top. However, I do remember it rolling up over my stomach several times. What is it with things rolling up over my stomach? When I stand it's not so bad, but when I sit there is a process of adjusting and pulling that makes wearing clothes highly over rated. Being chubby is like having three extra kids, it makes you tired and you wish you were somewhere else.

When I woke up in the morning I realized that I had stripped the shirt off and tried to stuff it down the motel toilet. I suppose my subconscious hated the shirt too.

I decided to leave the shirt in the toilet. I meandered around the motel room still drunk and laughing at my own idiotic behavior. For some reason I was alone, when I know I came with the boyfriend, oddly enough I wasn't worried about it. I drove back to my house at 80mph listing to Muse and chugging a Red Bull. I now know that I am too old to be drinking all night long. It is two days later and I still feel like I was violently mugged, ran over by John Deere tractor and then vomited out into a porta-potty.

All I can say is I'm glad no one had a camera.


  1. Oh was fun though right? I always remember the things I do or say when I'm drunk. I'm thankful for that.

    Red Bull? How did your stomach digest that? You should have coffee or tea at least!

    What happened to the boyfriend? Where was he? Leaving you all alone like that?

  2. Johana, I'm not sure why he left but he got a ride home with a friend that was there with us. I didn'nt ask him to elaborate on it because I mostly didn't care. We tend to argue alot and I try to pick my battles carefully. This one I was not up too in the slightest. I know that we both had a good time...that's all that matters. :)

  3. Another hilarious post. You have a way with words! I'm glad you didn't give up blogging--glad you didn't get hit by a bus on your way home from work all those weeks ago. It would have been a huge loss.

  4. Oh girl that is so funny in a sad sort of way! But I am learning that lesson too... Getting to old to be the party animal I once was. Was miserable for two days after St. Patrick's day... Lord, will I learn? Probably not!

  5. Oh My Good, that is funny!!Although none of that was mentioned to me yesterday via phone, how odd, that things seem to be left out for one,and for the other, for instance, the whole nation knows..your darker side Ha!

  6. Yes you're right. I'm just glad you got out if before it was too you falling real hard for him and all...

    So you know what? I've given you an award and you need to go get it now...right now!! ;p