Sunday, October 3, 2010

Writers Conference and other things..

Hola Blogspot Land!

I lived through my first writers conference and it was amazing. Do you know what it feels like to be the only one in your world interested in plots and imaginary worlds not to mention reading? Yeah, its sad and lonely. But for two days....thats all anyone wanted to talk about. Ah, heaven.

I am on informational overload and it feels great.
I wanted to point out that every workshop I went to someone mentioned the "Vampire" phase. Vampire this and vampire that....They say not to write about vampires because by the time you write it, pitch it to an agent that will take it on, they sell it and wait for it to get on a shelf that the craze will be long gone. Agents were saying this stuff. "DONT WRITE ABOUT VAMPIRES!"

I think I agree. How awful it must be to read a query letter describing a moody vampire who is 17 and still goes to highschool, who is also rich and highly intelligent?

If you were and attractive,immortal rich person, would you go to highschool?

No. I wouldn't either.

And the protagonist, almost always a sullen teenage girl is always the same, isn't she? Before I wouldnt have picked this apart but now I feel like I'll never look at those books the same. Even though in a small way I'll always love them.

Heres something you might want to know how ever embarassing it may be. Twilight got me reading. Twilight got me inspired. In a freakish way it pulled me out of the black. Now, I do not write about vampires, though I did give it a shot. But once I started it felt like "Shit, this has already been done..theres no way to sauce this up."

But at the conference several authors said this, "Everything has been done. Just change the characters, the plot, the goal and the end and you will have something that no one has ever thought of." Nice. Nice indeed.

One more thing, someone at the conference called me prolific when I told them that I had 5 unfinished manuscripts. They didn't scowl or tell me I was crazy...they said prolific and I think the word 'amazing' was tossed in there as well. It felt great to be seen that way. Apparently, its not a bad thing to constantly have new ideas just the part where you stick to one and see it through. Forever and forever I will be looking to going to conferences. If you haven't gone, make time and save money and get your butt out there. I went with nothing to show anyone..but I learned and made new friends who get me. It's amazing. DO IT!! The world awaits your creativity.

Have a great weekend!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Conferences and One Liners

I have not been spending any time on here.

My blogging took place at work, at my big cold desk with the company ancient Dell computer that runs on a series of pulleys and solar panels which by the way isn't going to make it much longer with my WiPs and notes crowding up the memory. I miss blogging, I really do. I miss all of you but alas Web Sense and "company time" are precious things.


I still have not finished a novel. I still have not finished the laundry and I probably won't either. The novel is certainly doable. I think what beginning writers aren't told in the first days and months of their adventure to write a book is this:

It is and will be a learning process for you....and it will probably take a long time for you to finish something worth being published.

No one told me this. I am almost two years into writing and it has been a frustrating journey that I imagine I will struggle with for years to come.....but I'm still writing. In two years I have felt a mixture of feelings from excitement to utter failure. My self esteem has been sucked from my body more than once by critiques and the scowls of boredom from friends and neighbors. I have even had great responses to where I felt that I had something bestsellerish only to find that a fresh idea is like drinking a fifth of whiskey...the buzz is great but the morning after all you want to do is throw up.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Now that I've set out to finish a book I know that I will and I will keep at it until I get it right...even if all the odds are against me.

This coming Friday I will be going to a Conference to soak up the genius of those who have made their dreams come true and those who fight to keep theirs alive. I'm so excited I may never get this laundry done....I may just leave it for the baby sitter.

I put together a few one line pitches for my YA paranormal novel that I am still tweaking to death thought I'd throw it on here and see what you thought...

1.)Miracles and second chances go hand in hand, so do angels and death and so do Shane and Grace.

2.)Miracles exist and some of them come at a violent and painful price; it is Shane's task to prove to Grace her purpose in the world but will he convince her before she turns into the monster she was born to be?

3.)Miracles and second chances go hand in hand and 18 year old Grace learns with the help of a mysterious Shane, that some of those miracles require a violent and painful price, but with Shane's help she will discover the truth of death and life and also the horrible part she has to play.

Thanks for being here everybody! Hope you're having a great weekend.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Whew! So close to not being good...

No one once asked me how I get through a story. And I would say to that no one that I have not actually got through one yet.
However, for me a nice smooth chapter outline is like having the bones to a rather tasteless skeleton. Whatever that means, I never actually have eaten a skeleton. One time there was some weird bones in my tuna sandwich which tasted more like mayonnaise than anything. Long story boring, I didn't eat tuna for a long time after.

Any how, chapter outlining is working wonders for me. I wish I could to a chapter outline for my life. There would be alot more meteor showers and trees that grew money, maybe a food stamp card with limitless credit too.

But, I have made it past the point that I always stop at with all the other failed books. It feels great, I gotta tell ya. I am actually past the point where the whole thing usually hits the fan in a whirling mixture of vomit and tears. I have made it my friends and dammit I am going to finish it. Even if I have to drink every pot of coffee available until I have heart palpitations and choke on my own fluids.. I will finish.

Plus, I'm going to a writers conference in Tucson in September. I am polishing and writing, blurbing and synopsising like there is no tomorrow. When I get there I am going to soak up the genius like I've never soaked before. Maybe even random hugs fueled by a caffiene induced fit of excitment.

What is the best advice you can give me on going to my first writers conference? Keep in mind that I will be going with a partial manuscript that may or may not be a total Frankensteiny mess.

Please help dear bloggers!!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Girl things...or maybe not.

Why am I not a "real" girl?

I'm not saying that I have a penis but I am saying is that I am not normal, and here's why...
I am in no way delicate. Not by manners or by looks. My hands are fact so large that a random stranger walking by almost knocked the beer out of my hands to say "Wow, you have huge mitts!"

Well, thank you asshole of a stranger...I know.

This was a few years back but I can tell ya this, my hands...they didn't shrink.

People automatically look at me and think I can kick their ass. Which is probably true, but it still hurts. Just because I could be a descendant of Lurch doesn't mean I know karate.

Theres other things too....while most girly types I know go out of their way to buy scented trash bags for their bathroom waste baskets, dump money to buy a purse for every occasion, shoes, hair clips....I buy coffee and hide from public.
While sometimes I like who I am as a woman..there are other times when I wonder if my life would have been any different if I were a feminine type who needed protecting and all that other crap.

All it makes me really want to do is walk up to some unsuspecting person..preferably big and slap them in the face. Just to see what would happen. Would I win? Would I unleash a super power I didn't know I had? Because that would be awesome..

Just my thoughts.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Here I am.

I normally blog at work. Which is to say where I get my best ideas about everything. Things like plots, characters, why office plants have a sad life and ways for them to get attention and of course blogging.

However, "the man" Websensed all the the computers and I can't do things like blogging anymore. Which is highly depressing since I enjoy it so. Nevertheless, that is why I don't blog regularly.

I know what you're thinking, "You could always blog at home.." if you thought that than you are wrong...dead wrong.

The second I walk through that front door my brain runs and hides. I am dishes. I am cleaning. I am juice cups. I am laundry. I am eating my feelings. I am certainly not blogging material.

BUT I do not come with all bad news. This September I will be attending...wait for it....wait for it.......MY VERY FIRST WRITERS CONFERENCE!


Since I have decided to do so I have also decided to step it up a notch and finish a damn novel already. This deadline is great for me.
I'm drinking more coffee. I'm thinking sub-plots,secondary characters, concrete and abstract goals, researched different types of trees and psychological disorders...and I'm writing my butt off. 1,200 words a day!
Except for today...I have a giant laundry pile the size of a Buick snarling at me.

Just a little update in my slice of paradise. I'm going to be reading blogs tonight! If you guys no of any great posts on "writing for a deadline" or "How to not kill yourself while meeting said deadline" .. let me know!

Toodles Friends! Hope all is going great for you!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Giving out an awardy! Live it, Love it.

Hello world...
I recieved an award from vivacious and exceedingly talented and articulate Lisa Gibson. Thank you Lisa! I am super grateful that I got this. You have given me the warm weighty feeling in my stomach propelling me forward, the part of me that was itching to blog.

And here are the rules....
1. Thank and link back to the person who bestowed upon you the wonderful award. (which would be me...just sayin')
2. Share seven interesting or amusing things about yourself.

3.Pass the award top 15 bloggers you have just recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for any and all reasons!!

4. Contact the bloggers you picked to let them about the award!

Seven things about me:
1-I am not a cat person.
2-I do not collect a random object of the world in order to clutter up my life and closet space.
3-Bees are unnatural insects that should be destroyed. If a see a bee or even hear a weird buzzing I quickly jog... but never drop my cigarette.
4- If I can, I buy all my clothes black. Not because Im making a statement..simply because I like to look depressed.
5- If I had to stand anywhere for 6 hours straight without moving, it would be in front of the ocean.
6- Most of my sleep is dreamless.
7- I give up on the world on a daily basis..but only in spurts.
NOW the 15 lucky people.......
And there we go! Onward and upward my friends! We all have writing to do!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

80? Me, no way!

Right now I'm wearing a long strapless red gown, slit up my pasty, yet attractive thigh. Its sequins are glittering in the glow of a dim light bulb. My hair is wrapped in a frizzy bun with with toddler butterfly clips. I can feel the weight of mascara pulling my eye lids down onto the chubby cushions of my cheeks. I have never felt so beautiful and so disturbed at the same time.

In my un-manicured hand, donning my newest chewed index fingers I hold a half empty Mountain Strawberry Suave shampoo bottle pretending its an award, and even though the flip-flops are throwing off the whole ensemble I can ignore it because....I HAVE 80 FOLLOWERS!

No. Freaking.Way.

There are allot of things I have accomplished in my life. (well, not really, but just go with it.) But this rules them all. This almost wipes out all the sordid black marks on my lifes record.

Not once did I think I would have 80 random strangers want to hear or read rather, to anything I have to say. Because lets face it, most of the time, even though my height is jarring and the way I saunter down the office halls like an x-assassin who just joined a prison football team...people tend to steer clear of the shadow I cast. "Will she help me with this application, or will she scalp me and grow a cactus in my skull?"

But this...this proves that I am not a test tube baby sent from the Mercury to kill and destroy the dreams of others with sarcastic comments and uninterested stares...

I know what I am, and I am certainly not worth 80 bitchin' people so this is a f'ing great day! Considering the prior 27 years of my seemingly pointless journey through time filled with the screams of small childern and piles of laundry that now haunt my every waking moment.

Thanks to all of you who care enough to be here. Even if you pass through on a whim and read two or three sentences... I love you and I want to have your babies.

Well, no I don't. Kids are too much work and one us has to act responsible.

Nevertheless, thank you for being here. And if no one has told you lately, you look like you've lost weight and yes, that hat was the best purchase you ever made!

On a side note, when I'm rich and famous..rolling around on beds of crispy new Benjamin's I will send you all a giant basket filled with locks of my hair and smalls jars filled with tiny amounts of my fat after I get lipo with my new fortune..

Don't throw up, I was only kidding.

Or I'll just send you all an email telling you that because you're have made me awesome.

Or I could go to bed now and stop talking crazy.

I love you all! Thanks for getting my lowly Blog to 80 followers!!

And if I'm not following you, let me know..because I want too!


Sunday, May 30, 2010

No, I'm actually not dead.

So, here I am. The world's biggest losery blogger. I am tryin' folks...really trying.
Don't you have times when you feel like a giant marshmallow, jammed packed with syrup, clinging to hope like it was your last chance at a sandwich, with nothing really to offer to the world? yeah, me too.

Well, enough of my whining. Time to talk about progress...mine mostly. That monkey up there knows what I'm talking about.

I have had an epiphany ! That's right, me. I was shocked too. And no it wasn't the Red Bulls or Doritos fusing together to form a hallucinating really happened. Remember that new idea for a book I was telling you about in between my suicide attempts and bouts of depression?
Well, I've been writing it for a month now and guess what? I haven't wanted to set myself on fire!

I actually sit down to write it and I can. What's I'm not thinking. I have actually beat my brain into submission and it has completely shut up. Sure, I wish I could do that to everyone I want to keep their holes closed..but this will work.

I am a machine. I don't think. I follow an outline (with a few unplanned ideas here and there). I type. I hear see the characters. There is a weird underworldly ghost in chapter three that smells like garbage and likes turkey legs....and I love him. So just so you know..I'm not dead. I still love you, but it's not you it's me.

I will be checking up on what I missed throughout the day.

I want you to know there is a hole in my life when you're not around!
Hugs and all that crap.
Asta, Friends!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Back from the Tomb...

Hey Bloggy bloggers!

Somewhere in the midst of two weeks I lost all focus. It's like my brain was violently torn from my skull by some ancient Egyptian curse, then carried away into the afterlife to be used as a hemorrhoid pillow for Satan's ass.

I lost all the will to write, to blog, to do anything but watch Two and Half Men and eat lunch meat right out of the pack.

Has that ever happened to you? Go through a phase of a pointless-weight-gaining syndrome where you can take your dreams or leave them? The air so thick with depression that you actually gag out and throw up in your mouth?

Well it happened to me. It was disgusting, it was odd....I'm pretty sure that smell of sour ham was coming from my hair.

BUT TODAY, I had 4 sugar-caked donuts, 2 rockstars and I'm about to eat something else loaded with carbs as soon as I sniff it out....which means someone is going to be missing some change soon.

The whole point of this is to apologize for not reading your blogs or blogging at all.
You must know by now that I am an nut case capable of bouts of insanity at the drop of a dime or donut...or anything else that can get clogged in your arteries.

HOWEVA, I'm going to be writing this week. I even scheduled it in my calender. If you're not writing, you're that makes me a waiter. And I hate serving food.

I want to be a writer dammit. So I'm back on the train...creativity is seeping through my pores. My characters are whispering promises they don't intend to keep. Out there somewhere is an agent feeling empty and hollow, they don't know why, they aren't sure what their purpose is anymore.....what they don't know, is that hollow place in their soul is a space only I can fill with my literary talents and sharp wit.

I have to save them....I have to make a difference. If only to save that agent from doing something they will regret. Creating a ripple effect that will ultimately ruin their lives and cause them to lose all of their hair.

I will set you free! Oh, literary agent who yearns for my unique words and plot lines! Your time has come.....

See, I knew I had a purpose. Somewhere under the layers these layers of chub and sarcastic defensive system lurks a best agent saver....a super hero.

Now, where's that sugar?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers Day!!! Happy Happy Joy Joy!

I hope all of you have a wonderfully relaxing Mother's Day today! Even those of you who aren't mothers, because let's face it, you never know when its going to happen and you're going to need to rest up.

Just remember when you think no one is watching, when you think you're going to pull out your hair or run away to some random island where you'll never do laundry again...remember that you're awesome and everything would fall apart without you.

Your family would be street rats wearing lion cloths and eating garbage scraps without you.

They would lose the house.

The electric would get shut off.

And your husband would be a mumbling idiot.

Chaos and darkness would ensue without you, because your awesome. You're a mom.

By far, the toughest most thankless job in the world.

Today is your day...make someone rub your feet because dammit..tomorrow you've got work to do!



Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Writing something new..

I've started chapter outlines for my new masterpiece because to tell you the truth..although I've attempted to outline in the past I've never actually completed one. (big surprise) I should change my blog title to "Lazy Pile of Un-accomplishment"

But here's the thing. I have all these WIPs and I can't seem to get through one. I'm not sure why or if maybe I have a defective brain but I tend to drop off every single one a quarter of the way through. I must say though, I have learned alot from these flops of mine. The unfinished wips haunting my self esteem with a raging vengeance...and believe me they do. No matter what I do I can't seem to force myself to going back and writing them. It's like they stole my money or kicked my's like we aren't friends anymore. I take breaks, I have mental pep-rallies, I sing myself songs of encouragement....and I still can't go back to those wips.
And no, I'm not a good singer.

Luckily, I'm having a serious allergy infestation and I couldn't even write today if someone came into this office and threatened to beat me with a toilet seat...

My head feels like someone hollowed out a bowling ball, filled it with cemented jello and set it on fire with a blow torch. Yeah, not writing. Not today.

So, hence forth....I am outlining chapters for this new idea of mine. Nothing big, just small insignificant descriptions. Maybe my other WIPS were learning tools. Since I'm just starting out it could be that I needed those stepping stones to get learn how I realize what my voice is or could be. I am certain that one day the disappointment of so much unfinished work will drive me deep into the chasm of insanity and pain but until then.....chapter outlines...and a heavy over dose of Claritin.

What about you, do you have "stepping stone" wips that never got finished but helped you to learn your craft?

Friday, April 30, 2010

Methods of Madness--

Tawna Fenske, author and hilarious lady of huge proportions is doing a series with FIVE other authors/writers today about their methods on how they pump out a novel and get to the end. I'm so stoked that they are all sharing this with us- the creative forces of imagination.

So,today I want to do a shout out to these wonderful people (who are now my hero's) and force you to go read their blogs Jedi mind trick you feel it? You want to go read these blogs.

No, you really do.

To me, this is a huge help. With the way I struggle with writing and setting schedules its good to know that there are writers out there achieving their dreams all while doing it their own way. Which may or may not include slight bouts of insanity.

I think for any aspiring writers information like this is extremely valuable. Especially those nights when you think your book isn't good enough or when you hate yourself for not outlining followed by binge drinking and burning your manuscript in a trash can in the middle of the night hoping no one will find you and take you to jail..

Not that I've done that or anything.

Anyhoo, take the time to check out these awesome creative souls because I got so much good helpful inside information from these writers who make it happen on their own terms!

Have a great weekend my Blogging friends! Tomorrow Ill be in Vegas making a fool out of myself! I will come back with stories of embarrassment for all to see!

These are the blogs with golden words of encouragement! Go WRITERS GOOO!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I am a liar.

I'm a bad friend! I know its true but because after most of you told me not to go with the new idea.. I did anyways! I feel horrible! Like we all got married and then I cheated on you with the handsome Latino pool boy..
Alas, I am somewhat of a writer and I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote two chapters of my new NEW Middle Grade Fantasy..

I know what you're thinking-- "It will never last, she'll give up on it soon!"

You would be right. But hell, maybe I'm not a great writer or ever will be but I just love it so much. So I figure, Screw it, I'll write what I want until something sticks like an inoperable tumor.

I thought since I stabbed you in the back that maybe you would like to read an excerpt from it. Let me know your thoughts because those are the ones that matter.

My only writing friends. Thank you for understanding...yet again.

(Excerpt from chapter two)


Friday, April 23, 2010

Bitch Slaps and Eyebrows..

Now I’m not one to stare but when there is someone talking to me who has no teeth and bloated neon red gums I tend to focus on it. Why do people do that? Stare at things that are disturbing and universally gross? It’s not right. I don’t even know why I do it.

Or when someone has crossed eyes? Which eye do you look at? Do they see normally or are they really looking at the ceiling? I find that if I look at the eyebrows I have a pretty okay conversation. You’ll never meet someone with misshapen eyebrows. Unless there was an aerosol can explosion it’s pretty safe to say that the eyebrows are the best focal point for conversing with a person with facial enigmas.

I bet you didn’t know that not only am I an office manager but I manage an office for a company that provides services for people with disabilities. Things like downs syndrome, autism and cerebral palsy, I love that part of my job. You never know when inspiration or disaster will strike. These guys know how to live! Why just the other day a young boy with Down syndrome came to my desk. He’s about eleven and always pats his head. When I say pat I mean smack really friggin’ hard.

I asked him how he was doing and immediately he walks around me desk with a big smile.

“Ahh you want a hug?” I say putting out my arms.

He walks towards me, not looking me in the eyes but still smiling. Things are getting weird. I can feel with my sixth sense that something not fun is going to happen. He makes his way behind me. I’m on high alert at this point but then he puts his arms around my shoulders and I think I’m going to get a real hug this time. Most other times I get bit or pinched or sat on.

I put my hand up to pat his arm and then…WHAMO!

He bitch slaps me on the cheek.

I’m not going to lie. It hurt like hell. But I couldn't stop laughing. It was so awesome that I got bitch slapped at my desk. What’s even better is that I didn’t know it was coming. That just goes to show you that the best things in life come when your not expecting it

Have a great weekend everybody! I will miss you while I'm scouring dishes and picking up dog crap!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Happy Friday!

So goes another day! I want to thank all of those of you who commented on my last post. I was really struggling with that issue. Like a former meth-head with a line in front of them.

I really really wanted to write that idea so bad that I was going to do it and not tell you guys..

I know I'm a dirty rotten liar and not a very good friend...

But I prevailed over my blackened heart and decided to do as most of you said.

Jot down the idea, save it for later and freakin' finish something already.

So I will. Ill finish my other WiPs...stupid old and boring WIPs.

I opened the 3rd and most recent failure today on Word and I just started at it my eyes two narrow slits of hatred. I think I may have growled. Is it healthy to passionately hate your work?

Maybe I'm just bored with the WIP altogether. Maybe instead of the love story in there I could have my MC kick the crap out of the love interest. You know what I think? Love interests are way over rated. What I want out of a book is a female protagonist who is a man hater. She walks around town with a syringe full of liquefied rat poison and just randomly sticks unsuspecting men.

The victimised man will turn, confused and a little scared as he absently rubs his arm. He decides that there must have been a bee in his shirt. Meandering home with a nauseous belly, he puts the strange incident behind him. He gets through the door kicks off his rancid mold filled boots, scratches his crotch then silently passes into his death.

Yup, sounds good.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND FRIENDS!! I will miss you when I'm gone doing laundry!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

New Idea and Unfinshed WiPs.

So I'm in the shower last life dreams seem to be washing down the drain along with my Suave strawberry scented shampoo and it hits me.

No not the bottle of shampoo...but a new idea for a book.

Can you f'ing believe it? So far I have 3 unfinished WIP's that I can't even fathoming finishing this year and here comes this idea shuffling its way into my already massacred life. What's odd is that it seems so clear. I'm excited about it in the way you are when you get a new puppy. Its all cute and happy. You want to squeeze it make up stupid names....until it pisses on your carpet and you want to kick in the ribs and drop it in the middle of a desert.

Is this how my new idea will feel once Ive started to write it? Will it be yet another burden? Another cherry to put on my oh so wonderful crap pie?

Or do I embrace the idea? Do I run to it with arms open and just write it? Knowing that I may never get published and I might as well just write whatever crap comes to mind and bludgeon family members and friends with whenever I get the chance?

Sure, it sounds doable.

But then again I can't help but feel the Grim Reaper of failure breathing its rancid fragrance on the back of my neck. If I start this book I may never finish the others..I can hear them now gathering dust, their bad grammar haunting my every thought... the ghost of a not so pleasant past hovering around my life like unpaid property taxes.

What do you do, Dear Blogging Friend...when you have so much unfinished work and come up with a new BETTER idea that you want to write as soon as possible? Do you start the new idea or do you torture yourself with the old one KNOWING that no one will ever read that crap?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

A beer and a teaser..


Nothing new going on here. I feel like my last post was just a tad on the depressing "want to slit my wrists" side and I wanted to make up for it with a cheerful post about..well..something cheerful.

So here is goes.. Today I have decided that I will drink alot of beer. Coors light mainly. I will read part of a book and try not to look even remotely in the direction of the laundry.

I will let my childern cover themselves in watercolor without being upset about it. Today will be good. Also, I thought about it and decided to change my entire WIP to first person.

All 85 pages of it. So, I'm going to need a lot of beer.

I think first person will suit it better. Besides that I think it will be a good exercise for me to get into someone else head for awhile. This should be fun and I'm siked about it.

Do you have trouble making a descion fellow blogger? Do descions haunt you? There's just so many possibilites it's hard to settle on one excact thought. In this case first person is what I'm going to go with.

I wanted to finish my book by December. And if I ignore enough of my job duties, let my little Ivy plant wither into a mass of browness and put the world on mute I might be able to do it. I can only write at work so I wonder how long it will be before I get the can? Care to take wager?

This should be excited. I've never been fired before....can't wait.

So in effort to not sound like a maniac and apologize for making the universe worry...I'm going to post a FIGHT SCENCE from my goes it..before its changed to first person. Thanks for reading! As always I adore you !
link snipped

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Blog Awards on the Fly!

Hello BlogSpot Bloggers!
I'm getting ready to go home and face the onslaught of housework which is my life.

But before I go and cry for the last twenty minutes of my day in the office restroom I have some Awards to bestow!!

This one is from the beautiful and talented Annika! Never miss a post! Delightful girl indeed! Thank you Chicky!

I'm passing it toooooo

2. Meika over at Waiting on the Muse
5. E. Elle over at The Writers Funhouse

I hope they check this blog because I'm on the clock and can't notify them properly. Running out of time as usual.... Thanks Guys for being awesome and having BITCHIN' blogs. Also, for being part of mine.

This one is from Meika! She's new to me but so glad she's here!
Love the blog! Go check it out!
I'm going to pass this one onto all my followers because you all deserve a pat on the back! This blogging stuff is like a 2nd job! Thanks to everyone for being here with me while I slowly lose my sanity and write about nothing in particular!
On a side note I will be posting a "Personal Vent" tomorrow about how much my life and writing don't mix and the strange screaming that has taken up residence inside my head.
See you soon!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

To be or not to be..immortal.

I think a question we should ask ourselves, us writers of fictional things, is what we would choose should we been given the chance to become immortal.

When I was a sullen teenager trying to find myself in a sea of pot smoking clones, I often I asked myself if I would take up an offer of immortality.

Yes, I know it’s an odd thought. But when you eat lunch by yourself next to a sea of bright red lockers and there is a rumor going around that you sacrifice goats in your spare time you often have irrational thoughts.
I knew back then that I would have done it in a second.

Now, I’m not so sure. Not only would I be chubby for all eternity but I would be forced to watch everyone I know and love get old and die. Am I okay with that? Would if be twisted to say if maybe I was okay with it? The good thing is that I know none of you will tell on me.

But I have to wonder what being immortal entails, aside from everyone you know dying right in front of you.

If you weren't "vampire immortal" what would you eat?

If you didn't eat would you still have to use the bathroom?

Would I still have a period? Because if I did have to have a period for all eternity, I would rather die.

What happens to my insides? Do they freeze upon becoming immortal? Or do they rot slowly and give me bad breath?

Not even immortality can be a beautiful thing.

Sure, writers make them out to be gorgeous shiny-tastical, mysterious beings, but in real life, where all is bound and destined to deteriorate into carcass sludge...I would think that someone immortal would smell quite badly. You know, because of all the rancid fluids not being used. Someone immortal might even be eternally crabby because they're re-living Monday with no end in sight. Kinda like my life, but at least I know I'm working towards dying. Which puts me in a better mood.

Would I still have to work in an office? Would I feel obligated to stick by my family to make sure the bills were paid? Would I be an immortal office clerk with a 401-k? This is disturbing.
So my question, knowing what I think, would you choose to be immortal should there come a day you were given the choice?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Point of View Askew.

Ah, the mental battle of deciding what point of view to use. Nothing punches you in the face hundreds of times the way choosing a point of view does. Well, for me anyways.

What's really fun is when you get 25k words in and think "Hey, this would be great if it was in first person!"


Immediately after that discovery, you want to push your thumbs right through your eyes and into your skull because now you have to revise all of it. And when you do that you almost always change a thousand plot points along the way. Then you find yourself re-writing everything... shortly afterwards you just want to strap the entire thing to a rocket and send it into space where it will inevitably set on fire as it makes it way through the atmosphere and then falls like little ashes of failure all over the world.

Exhibit one: While rewriting, my MC went from wearing jeans and a leather duster to a sun dress and a hunting knife. How the hell did that happen? How does a sun dress go with a hunting knife anyway? Do I want her to be gruff and boyish or psychotic and girly? I wish I knew because right now her identity crisis is giving me a head ache from hell. If I had time to take a writing class I probably wouldn't because of my social anxiety issues, but that's not the point. The point is, I need to find a way to not be so sporadically insane.

I'm going to spend the next 20 years of my life on my book aren't I? And by then I will have probably moved to an igloo in Antarctica to escape all things writing. Hey, I think my round head would look great in a parka. That and I hear that cold weather keeps the skin young.
Actually, I just made that up.

Moving on, I thought that I liked writing in third-person omniscience because I liked the idea of being in every character's head. I liked to put their thoughts on paper. I liked to play god in a world that was only mine. Turns out, god's job sucks and its too much work.

But if I look at in a realistic way, maybe I would rather write in first person. Other peoples thoughts are probably not all the interesting. Also, other peoples thoughts aren't all that hidden if you watch their body language and facial expressions, right? Maybe readers don't have time to dissect every characters thoughts? Maybe they want the guy with the leather chaps to only pick his teeth and have no thoughts whatsoever. Or maybe they want the supporting character to wheeze and cough without really knowing how he feels about.

I mean really, is it necessary to know everyone's thoughts? Is it so bad that there is allot of mystery? No it isn't. Mystery is good. Especially in a man. Because once the mystery is gone your left with beer farts and pubic hair in the shower drain.

I don't think I could write another persons thoughts all that well because they would be thinking the following all the time;

"I should go away for a very long time." This would be their only thought.

Because for some people I know and I'm not pointing anyone out, especially my boyfriend... but that's what I would want them to be thinking....What can I say, I miss being alone.

So what I want to know is what pov gets you going? When you write, how do you decide on a point of view? What pov do you like to read the most? Your thoughts??

Teaser Tueday?

I wasn't aware that there was a special day for teasers until my dashboard popped up with all the madness. I have to say that this makes me excited and I have a feeling like I want to throw up. But hey, in light of a "blog holiday" I will be happy to share. You guys share, why not me? You guys put your balls on the line...I can too.

So I will post a piece of my WIP and hopefully I won't lose every one of my new blogging friends. Please excuse the bad grammar because it's all I have.

Dropping out of high school wasn't the best decision ever, but then again neither was my haircut.

I have had the same hair for 27 years. Except for a small part in the 90's where it was always crimped. And today it looks more like George Washington's wig with a clip in it.

But this isn't about my hair...this is about Teaser Tuesday and how I'm more than a little freaked out to share this because it quite possibly will suck beyond all sucking.. But without further small talk here is an expert from my YA novel.. enjoy and thanks for stopping by!

*removed due to construction*

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Let her be.

I am proud to annouce that I have been writing! Yes, it's true... everyone may breath with ease now.

It's not a giant amount of writing, more like a slow drip from a clogged faucet but I'm not complaining.

I'm getting into dialogue at the moment and now that I'm forcibly ripping it out of my skull the words have become submissive to my irresistible charm. Besides I have determined that most of my writers block is fear mixed with laziness. I will not be won by my own sloth like ways! Onward and Upward, you 30% finished manuscript...

Additionally, now that I have mentally punctured myself to the point of swallowing a whole box of oreos, beer-bonging red bulls and slamming my face into my desk things seem to be set in motion. Or it might be signs of type two diabetes and a mild concussion.

Anyway, after all the self defilement I was rewarded with a dialogue that has opened like a toxic anemone, ready to poison the world with it's wit and cleverness. It is no longer stiff like a terrorist is now skippy and delightfully twisted. Which means I have to back track and fix past dialogue, which gives me a strange urge to slit my wrists.

I talk as I type, the characters are here in my office as my fingers glide across the keys, hovering over me like gnats, urging me to make them seem more resilient, more mysterious, more not stupid.

Especially my heroine. Who has in fact become a pain in the padded ass to write. She's oddly menstrual, strangely detached and a little on the psychotic side. As you can imagine I have spent months trying to figure her out and I still can't seem to squeeze the ketchup out of the bottle.

So, I have officially given up. But this is what I have come too, maybe that's just the way she is. Maybe she is like a man in the aspect that no matter how much I try to tweak and adjust her, it just never seems to change. So now, I will give up on figuring her out because since I have failed to do that with "real" people in my own life, there is certainly a fair chance that I will not figure her out. Plus, I'm tired.

She is hopeless and wonderfully irritating and thats the way she'll stay. Which is just peachy, because it's quite possible that the best thing about her is that she is insane, dresses horribly and perhaps even smells a little. Other characters want to strangle her, push her off a cliff or even set her house ablaze while she sleeps in her bed and yet as hard as they try they have a unrelenting urge to emancipate her....perhaps even fix what's broken.

So, I'm going to let my heroine be the way she is. Perfectly disturbed. Smelly and emotionally constipated.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I almost had a cardiac arrest with excitment and peed on myself. First of all I never get awards. In fact I asked my boss this morning if she would give me an appreciation certificate because I felt I deserved it. (yeah, I know I have problems) So this is beyond AWESOME! THANK YOU JOHANA! I am honored and SEVERELY DELIGHTED! People actually do apprciate my rambling nonsense. This is great, okay...

I want to give this to every one of my new friends but I suppose the rules go for only some so here it goes!!

1. Bethany

2.Lisa and Laura





7. Elana

So there is is!! Check em' out! Thanks again so much Johana! Very cool indeed.

My Tuesday offically kicks ass.

Monday, March 22, 2010

My shin hurts...

Happy Monday Blog! Someone shoot me.

I would like to say that the wedding party was a mild success! I was triumphant in getting insanely drunk followed by a period of time that, although I was conscious, I have no memory of it what so ever. My muscles hurt in places that I didn't know I had muscles in. Like my shin for instance. I was under the impression that the shin part of the leg was mostly bone but apparently there is a light layer of muscle there too. great. I'm walking around the office like I was raped by a rugby team.

My boyfriend told me that I punched him in the face five times. This I do not remember. However it explains why I can't move my wrist without a sharp pinching sensation. He says to me "Why did you punch me in the face?" I say "Because my sub-conscious hates you."

I pat him on the head and tell him I'm sorry then I commence with the rest of my wasted Sunday.

Also, I was drunk enough to not notice my middle body in a death grip, complements of my "suddenly skinny" top. However, I do remember it rolling up over my stomach several times. What is it with things rolling up over my stomach? When I stand it's not so bad, but when I sit there is a process of adjusting and pulling that makes wearing clothes highly over rated. Being chubby is like having three extra kids, it makes you tired and you wish you were somewhere else.

When I woke up in the morning I realized that I had stripped the shirt off and tried to stuff it down the motel toilet. I suppose my subconscious hated the shirt too.

I decided to leave the shirt in the toilet. I meandered around the motel room still drunk and laughing at my own idiotic behavior. For some reason I was alone, when I know I came with the boyfriend, oddly enough I wasn't worried about it. I drove back to my house at 80mph listing to Muse and chugging a Red Bull. I now know that I am too old to be drinking all night long. It is two days later and I still feel like I was violently mugged, ran over by John Deere tractor and then vomited out into a porta-potty.

All I can say is I'm glad no one had a camera.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Suddenly Skinny...or not.

Good Afternoon Blog Spot Land!!

Today I actually got a little writing done. If you want to call 300 words writing, but hey, after a torturous two weeks of suffering writer's block and extreme depression I consider this to be a success. The glass ceiling was slightly by-passed today, even though my ceiling is more like petrified crap, flaking it's disease all over my motivation.

I have ingested half of a 16oz Red Bull and a bag of peanut butter M&M's and I'm feeling like I could walk on water right about now. Or I'm having a silent heart attack, either way it's sure to be a good time.

So, today much like the days before, is about the same. A mirror if you will, of time repeated unto itself. I'm still chubby, my diet tanked and my home life, well, there isn't much to say about that except that I'm definitely going to grab another Red Bull before the days end.

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow where two people I don't know will join lives forever. Normally, I hate attending these sort of functions because the whole time I'm making bets with myself on when the day will come when the bride will look at her shiny clean groom and wonder what the hell compelled her to marry him. But this isn't why I'm bringing this up. Last night I went shopping to prepare to look decent at the wedding. I bought a "Suddenly Skinny" fat re-tractor tank top to wear under my clothes. I tried it on last night for about 20 minutes. After I peeled it off it felt like my pancreas was pushed up into my lungs slowly making it's way into my esophagus. It was painful and left an unhealthy squished feeling.

I began to inspect the "directions" for this tourniquet of death, when on the label I spotted that there was a skinny model wearing the shirt. That's right, skinny. Why is she wearing it? She's already skinny.
A chub like me puts it on and the title of the garment magically becomes "Suddenly 20% Skinny." What happens when a thin beautiful girl puts it on? They are now "Suddenly Anorexic." Which I will never achieve in my lifetime. I could very well have been born and raised in Narnia with the odd shaped body that I have been blessed with.

They should at least make an effort to put a "big" girl on the label. Then maybe when someone like me is looking for a self esteem boost I won't feel like such a stuffed sausage when I see a super model wearing the same item I just bought.

Realistic logic tells me that if there was a monstrously obese diva sporting the tank on that dreaded label, I would have said something to the effect of "If she can wear it, I can too." Sold. Customer for life. But now, when I wear that top, while my organs painfully shift I will only think of that cute little model on the front and how much I want to hunt her down and set her on fire.
Have a good weekend everybody! If I don't post anything next week it's safe for you to assume that I died of internal bleeding.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Whiny Wednesdays..

Hello Blogspot and all you contain! I have to tell you, that today I am not doing well. This morning I am battling ruthlessly a sudden onset of anxiety. Why you ask? I wish I knew.

It could be the two energy drinks I had this morning. It could because my quarter-written novel is confiscating the only piece of sanity I have left.

I am fully annoyed with myself. I hate that I can't write. I hate even more that I know what I want to write but I just can get focused.

I think what I need is an abrupt and violent smack on the head with inspiration. Or maybe someone could take over my life for a few days so that I could sit in the dark with a laptop and a large glass of rum.

I pick up my pen, a copy of my ms in hand, ready to edit. I'm reading through the first sentence, Two and a Half Men is blaring in the one seems to notice that I'm doing something for's safe...I read on. Then out of nowhere my skin tightens at the sound of "MOM, I need juice."

Have you ever noticed, or maybe it's just my life, that when you finally do find a small window of time for yourself someone somewhere, immediately needs something? It's "Can you get me a glass of water?" "Can you find my wallet?" "What did you do with the left over steak?" "Can you sign over your soul?"

People tell me that I need to find time for myself in order to write. They say that I need to make it a mandatory priority in my life if I'm going to be happy at all. They say "You should write at night when everyone is asleep.." Well, that would be super if by 9 pm I wasn't so riddled with exhaustion that I almost couldn't produce drool. Abraham Lincoln himself could come over at midnight for tea and crumpets and I would probably shoot him in the face. That's how much I can't stay up at night.

What is going on with these writers, like Stephanie Meyer who talks of this amazing husband who actually let her lock herself up in the room to write? My belief is that her marriage is a complete fabrication of lies and tall tales. Maybe she omitted that he was a paraplegic. My logic tells me that unless he was bed ridden and lost his legs in a terrifying cheese grading accident that he was constantly breathing down her neck. I also think that she added him to her acknowledgements because he is extremely insecure and needed validation of her love through copyrights and global appreciation and she wanted to shut him up before she drank his blood.

But that's just me.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Damn Brain!

Today marks the day that I have finally accepted my partial writers block. It is nearing almost two weeks now that I have not written in or even looked at my manuscript. It is a painful feeling like when you stub your toe on the bottom of the refrigerator and you know you are missing part of your nail but you don't dare investigate. That's what it feels like to have a neglected manuscript looming around in your brain.

Not to long ago I actually had a break through with my plot line and finally had locked in my brain what the ending would be! It was an amazing feeling, I have to say. I knew where I was going with it, the characters were poised to strike the pages with purpose and determination. All I had to do was write it! But then a black cloud of death rolled over my happiness and left me with nothing. The idea was there, but the motivation was not. My subconscious is violently clutching onto my story while all I can think about is how to avoid sex and get to bed earlier. My brain will not focus on the writing, it is holding up a picket sign in protest refusing to grant me motivation. I hate you brain! You never worked right anyways.

Even though I have the gold to FINISH my book, I have yet to use it. I am at a loss. This makes me painfully sad. Much like the prior 27 years of my life.

The good part about all this is that I think about writing everyday. Which is odd for me because I usually forget about things and move on to more depressing matters, but not with my manuscript. Its like having a stalker that your always worried about seeing...that is what my ms is to me. A stalker with bad grammar.

However, I have some faith that I will open that word document again and chip away at it. I have to. I have fully convinced myself that if I cannot finish writing a novel then I am truly worth nothing, even if it never gets published, it has to be done, it is screaming to be finished. I will never finish anything for the remainder of forever if I can't do this. It you knew me at all you would know that I am self-deprecating and to push myself to do anything I must first hurt my own feelings. It is a strange and vicious cycle, but one that is proven to work.
Bucket list item#2- Finish a novel.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Without My Cigarettes

If I were in a plane wreck..yes, a plane wreck, let's say for imagination's sake that I was flying to ohhh I don't know..Rome..but then the plane malfunctioned and crashed into a remote island infested with mutated coconuts, the only thing I would care to have is a pack, no, a carton of cigarettes. I would smoke them one by one and wait for impending doom. Hey, super models don't eat, they smoke. They are perfectly fine...but I wouldn't want one of them with me, don't get me wrong. My point being is that I would choose cigarettes as a means for survival. Think of it like this..
You eat...then you smoke.
You're insanely angry...then you smoke.
You have to pay property taxes..then you smoke.
You realize your manuscript is a tangled mess that possibly you are the only one on earth that will appreciate smoke.
Someone just put a stack of employee files on your desk to thoroughly audit...wait I need to smoke first.

It is the perfect extension of emotions to which I am grateful. Sure, I'm going to age faster, my voice with wither and become raspy but hopefully in a sexy Lindsey Lohan sort of way. This is my blog post to praise my cigarettes. Thank you for being there when no one else was. If you were a man I would marry you...then years later resent you for ruining my life...which is how most romances end. NEVERTHELESS, you are my friend that I am intensely appreciative of.

Now I must go home. I am at my mothers house and needless to say I have grown weary of the company of eyeless dogs and strange smells... It is a pleasant mixture of vodka and darkness. Perfect for a writer...hmm..maybe I should come over more often.
Alas, I have a mound of something to do. Of that I am sure.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Outlines are funny things.

Good Morning Blogspot!

I am at work with a mountain of paperwork and files on my desk. It's safe to say I won't get any writing done. I know how disappointed you must be.

I'd like to talk about outlines and how they pertain to me. About 6 months ago I attempted to start an outline. I was fully involved in getting one going. I assumed that all writers used outlines and that I should too for the sake of being in the "in crowd". Until I realized what a nerd I was being thinking that writers were even in a "in crowd" at all. I tormented myself, pulled out my hair, cursed the skys, "WHY CAN'T I WRITE AN OUTLINE,DAMN YOU!"

But luckliy for me, I give up ideas very easily and an outline was an idea I forgot all about. I decided I didn't need it... it turns out I really didn't.

I cannot seem to wrap my head around a functioning outline. I always change my mind and mostly the whole format just makes me want to punch something. Does anyone out there start a project with an outline? Because if you do, you are now and forever my hero. Much like math, I do not get outlines. However, I commend and am slightly jealous of those who do. I always watch in awe when someone is overly organized. These people seem so in control...glassy like the ocean before a tsunami..

My brain is like an IPAD and a blackberry all in one. Sure, there are the occasional glitches where I forget to put on deodorant or toss my car keys in the freezer, sight unseen, but I've lived this long on pure brain power. Which isn't saying much since I possess more similarities to lawn gnome then an actual human being. Except slightly better looking.

I like the thought of my writing spilling straight out onto a blank ms word document wild and misshapen. It's a mess, it's hard to read, people will never buy it. That's fine with me because above all else, editing is my favorite thing to do. It's like adding flesh onto a skeleton. As I edit I feel like a I finally have my soul back. That it sits with me and wanders through the golden wheat fields as my heroine gradually loses her mind. Stephen King says it best...

"Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe."

Please note that from this moment on I will never use an outline as a means to follow order! I will use post-it notes for ideas and various scribblings in random notebooks. These will be the vessels in which to record my thoughts should inspiration strike! A post-it note can go a long way if you write very small...Unfortunately my hands are freakishly large.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Brain Dead.

Being busy at work mixed with kids and a co-dependent significant other makes it next to impossible to write or even think of writing. My characters won't talk to me anymore. It's safe to say they hate my guts. They are probably at a bar right now having a pitcher of New Castle discussing what a flake I am. I even think they are avoiding my text messages.

Rapidly I am losing hope. Everyday I say to myself "Today you will write!" and theres always a reason I don't. Let me paint a better picture for you so I don't look like such a lagger. I am tired. Not just tired but extremely monstrously tired. It's everyday, not just a certain part of the day. I cannot catch up with myself. I have self-diagnosed chronic fatigue and mild obsessive compulsive disorder. If I didn't have kids I would live in a small attic in London looking over a landfill. Just depressing enough to get some good writing done.

So here I am at work, sitting dis-tractable at my oversized oak/particle board desk. My hair is screaming for a brush and my McDonald coffee is getting dangerously cold. I hear the typing of keyboards floating out of the other offices, the transferring of meaningless calls. My manuscript is in a file in my documents folder...will I open it? Do I dare to write only to give up for some frivolous reason?

You bet I will.

Friday, March 5, 2010

So Far So Good..

So, I've taken a two week vacation. Not the fun kind where you sip umbrella drinks by the ocean and rinse sand out of your bottom, but the kind where you don't look or think about your unfinished manuscript. It was hard, believe me. I felt like I was forgetting about a good friend. Needless to say, I did not get any plot enhancing ideas while on "vacation" but I think it might have been healthy.
I'll have you know, whoever you are, that I am back on track and in the grand 'ol think machine, turning the gears trying to get the clutch un-stuck, the engine roars to life and I jolt forward into fiction land!!! Hopefully.

It's a good thing too, because reality just isn't a fun place. For someone my age I definitely hold up the whole world on my shoulders and to top it all off I'm getting sick again. My diet it boring me to death and I miss carbs. How will I ever delve into my imagination when I'm constantly thinking of bread and ding dongs? Maybe I should write about the effects of a carb-less life and fixations on whip cream?

I have just recently come to the grips of realizing how many people are actually writing books right now? It is beyond insane. Each one of these people built worlds and characters and knows their book is good. But how many of them will get published? Will I get published? Probably not. So what do we do, how do we continue on the vast road of publish-hood? We convince ourselves it will work out that you will find your soul mate in an agent and they will realize that you are the next big thing.

Or like me, you convince yourself that writing is the only thing you have that you actually don't dread doing. It isn't a chore, your characters don't want you to rub their feet or do their laundry. They only want you to write them.

So, starting Monday... I will write like the wind. My heroine will change her attitude thus becoming more insane and detached, which I'm excited about. My hero will be driving with me to work, smoking his cigarette, sitting in concentrated silence. Thats how I like my men, silent and smoking.

have a good weekend whoever you are!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Back from the grave.

Well not really the plauge, but i've been deathly ill for two weeks and today marks the first day of actually feeling partially human. I was without the sense of smell and taste for those fourteen days and I have to say it was very uncomfrotable. I would serach the house for food with texture so that I felt as though I was eating.

However, I am happy to say that I can smell and taste today and a result of that is a half a pack of my beloved cigarettes and six to eight cups of heavliy creamed coffee. I am at work and ALMOST focused on what I should be doing, complete with a to-do list that I complied this morning, which I've mostly just stared at. I've started writing my book again and have been bombarded with new ideas and plot twist thanks to the caffiene boost! I am excited to get to writing again.

A few months back when everyone I knew was on board with me (about me writing a book) everyone wanted to read the rough draft and be involved and now its like it never happened. No one has asked about it at all. Not that I care, because I would rather be left alone when it comes to my imagination land, but its just funny to me.

I doubt anyone reads any of these blogs I post, but thats alright too. It reminds me of having a journal, like I did in Jr.High. Nothing special just words about unimportant things. BUT, if I leave work today and die in a horrible accident that involves a cement truck and a pigeon, someone will come on here and see that I wasn't just a robot strapped to a routine life, that I actually had something else going on in my head beside what to make for dinner and when the cable should be paid.

Life is a funny thing.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What if?

I have been working on a fiction/fantasy novel(first one for me) for about 6 months now and I still find myself back tracking. It is a hard habit to break, backtracking. I immediately regret everytime I do. If there was some magic potion I could drink that would keep me moving forward instead of back I would glady sell all my food stamps for it.
The best thing about writing, you build it, you imagine it, the characters are your close friends.

The worst thing, there is no one around to tell you to knock off your insane ramblings and focus on the bigger picture.

Where is a cloning machine when you need one? I could use another me around to slap me in the head when I stall and procrastinate!! Bucket List Item #1- Build Cloning Machine.