Sunday, October 3, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
My blogging took place at work, at my big cold desk with the company ancient Dell computer that runs on a series of pulleys and solar panels which by the way isn't going to make it much longer with my WiPs and notes crowding up the memory. I miss blogging, I really do. I miss all of you but alas Web Sense and "company time" are precious things.
I still have not finished a novel. I still have not finished the laundry and I probably won't either. The novel is certainly doable. I think what beginning writers aren't told in the first days and months of their adventure to write a book is this:
It is and will be a learning process for you....and it will probably take a long time for you to finish something worth being published.
No one told me this. I am almost two years into writing and it has been a frustrating journey that I imagine I will struggle with for years to come.....but I'm still writing. In two years I have felt a mixture of feelings from excitement to utter failure. My self esteem has been sucked from my body more than once by critiques and the scowls of boredom from friends and neighbors. I have even had great responses to where I felt that I had something bestsellerish only to find that a fresh idea is like drinking a fifth of whiskey...the buzz is great but the morning after all you want to do is throw up.
I wouldn't have it any other way. Now that I've set out to finish a book I know that I will and I will keep at it until I get it right...even if all the odds are against me.
This coming Friday I will be going to a Conference to soak up the genius of those who have made their dreams come true and those who fight to keep theirs alive. I'm so excited I may never get this laundry done....I may just leave it for the baby sitter.
I put together a few one line pitches for my YA paranormal novel that I am still tweaking to death thought I'd throw it on here and see what you thought...
1.)Miracles and second chances go hand in hand, so do angels and death and so do Shane and Grace.
2.)Miracles exist and some of them come at a violent and painful price; it is Shane's task to prove to Grace her purpose in the world but will he convince her before she turns into the monster she was born to be?
3.)Miracles and second chances go hand in hand and 18 year old Grace learns with the help of a mysterious Shane, that some of those miracles require a violent and painful price, but with Shane's help she will discover the truth of death and life and also the horrible part she has to play.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
I'm not saying that I have a penis but I am saying is that I am not normal, and here's why...
Well, thank you asshole of a stranger...I know.
This was a few years back but I can tell ya this, my hands...they didn't shrink.
People automatically look at me and think I can kick their ass. Which is probably true, but it still hurts. Just because I could be a descendant of Lurch doesn't mean I know karate.
Theres other things too....while most girly types I know go out of their way to buy scented trash bags for their bathroom waste baskets, dump money to buy a purse for every occasion, shoes, hair clips....I buy coffee and hide from public.
While sometimes I like who I am as a woman..there are other times when I wonder if my life would have been any different if I were a feminine type who needed protecting and all that other crap.
All it makes me really want to do is walk up to some unsuspecting person..preferably big and slap them in the face. Just to see what would happen. Would I win? Would I unleash a super power I didn't know I had? Because that would be awesome..
Just my thoughts.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
However, "the man" Websensed all the the computers and I can't do things like blogging anymore. Which is highly depressing since I enjoy it so. Nevertheless, that is why I don't blog regularly.
I know what you're thinking, "You could always blog at home.." if you thought that than you are wrong...dead wrong.
The second I walk through that front door my brain runs and hides. I am dishes. I am cleaning. I am juice cups. I am laundry. I am eating my feelings. I am certainly not blogging material.
BUT I do not come with all bad news. This September I will be attending...wait for it....wait for it.......MY VERY FIRST WRITERS CONFERENCE!
Since I have decided to do so I have also decided to step it up a notch and finish a damn novel already. This deadline is great for me.
I'm drinking more coffee. I'm thinking sub-plots,secondary characters, concrete and abstract goals, researched different types of trees and psychological disorders...and I'm writing my butt off. 1,200 words a day!
Except for today...I have a giant laundry pile the size of a Buick snarling at me.
Just a little update in my slice of paradise. I'm going to be reading blogs tonight! If you guys no of any great posts on "writing for a deadline" or "How to not kill yourself while meeting said deadline" .. let me know!
Toodles Friends! Hope all is going great for you!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
In my un-manicured hand, donning my newest chewed index fingers I hold a half empty Mountain Strawberry Suave shampoo bottle pretending its an award, and even though the flip-flops are throwing off the whole ensemble I can ignore it because....I HAVE 80 FOLLOWERS!
There are allot of things I have accomplished in my life. (well, not really, but just go with it.) But this rules them all. This almost wipes out all the sordid black marks on my lifes record.
Not once did I think I would have 80 random strangers want to hear or read rather, to anything I have to say. Because lets face it, most of the time, even though my height is jarring and the way I saunter down the office halls like an x-assassin who just joined a prison football team...people tend to steer clear of the shadow I cast. "Will she help me with this application, or will she scalp me and grow a cactus in my skull?"
But this...this proves that I am not a test tube baby sent from the Mercury to kill and destroy the dreams of others with sarcastic comments and uninterested stares...
I know what I am, and I am certainly not worth 80 bitchin' people so this is a f'ing great day! Considering the prior 27 years of my seemingly pointless journey through time filled with the screams of small childern and piles of laundry that now haunt my every waking moment.
Thanks to all of you who care enough to be here. Even if you pass through on a whim and read two or three sentences... I love you and I want to have your babies.
Well, no I don't. Kids are too much work and one us has to act responsible.
Nevertheless, thank you for being here. And if no one has told you lately, you look like you've lost weight and yes, that hat was the best purchase you ever made!
On a side note, when I'm rich and famous..rolling around on beds of crispy new Benjamin's I will send you all a giant basket filled with locks of my hair and smalls jars filled with tiny amounts of my fat after I get lipo with my new fortune..
Don't throw up, I was only kidding.
Or I'll just send you all an email telling you that because you're awesome...you have made me awesome.
Or I could go to bed now and stop talking crazy.
I love you all! Thanks for getting my lowly Blog to 80 followers!!
And if I'm not following you, let me know..because I want too!
THANK YOU AGAIN! I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU ALL HERE!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Somewhere in the midst of two weeks I lost all focus. It's like my brain was violently torn from my skull by some ancient Egyptian curse, then carried away into the afterlife to be used as a hemorrhoid pillow for Satan's ass.
I lost all the will to write, to blog, to do anything but watch Two and Half Men and eat lunch meat right out of the pack.
Has that ever happened to you? Go through a phase of a pointless-weight-gaining syndrome where you can take your dreams or leave them? The air so thick with depression that you actually gag out and throw up in your mouth?
Well it happened to me. It was disgusting, it was odd....I'm pretty sure that smell of sour ham was coming from my hair.
BUT TODAY, I had 4 sugar-caked donuts, 2 rockstars and I'm about to eat something else loaded with carbs as soon as I sniff it out....which means someone is going to be missing some change soon.
The whole point of this is to apologize for not reading your blogs or blogging at all.
You must know by now that I am an nut case capable of bouts of insanity at the drop of a dime or donut...or anything else that can get clogged in your arteries.
HOWEVA, I'm going to be writing this week. I even scheduled it in my calender. If you're not writing, you're waiting..so that makes me a waiter. And I hate serving food.
I want to be a writer dammit. So I'm back on the train...creativity is seeping through my pores. My characters are whispering promises they don't intend to keep. Out there somewhere is an agent feeling empty and hollow, they don't know why, they aren't sure what their purpose is anymore.....what they don't know, is that hollow place in their soul is a space only I can fill with my literary talents and sharp wit.
I have to save them....I have to make a difference. If only to save that agent from doing something they will regret. Creating a ripple effect that will ultimately ruin their lives and cause them to lose all of their hair.
I will set you free! Oh, literary agent who yearns for my unique words and plot lines! Your time has come.....
See, I knew I had a purpose. Somewhere under the layers these layers of chub and sarcastic defensive system lurks a best seller...an agent saver....a super hero.
Now, where's that sugar?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I hope all of you have a wonderfully relaxing Mother's Day today! Even those of you who aren't mothers, because let's face it, you never know when its going to happen and you're going to need to rest up.
Just remember when you think no one is watching, when you think you're going to pull out your hair or run away to some random island where you'll never do laundry again...remember that you're awesome and everything would fall apart without you.
Your family would be street rats wearing lion cloths and eating garbage scraps without you.
They would lose the house.
The electric would get shut off.
And your husband would be a mumbling idiot.
Chaos and darkness would ensue without you, because your awesome. You're a mom.
By far, the toughest most thankless job in the world.
Today is your day...make someone rub your feet because dammit..tomorrow you've got work to do!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
LOTS OF LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Alas, I am somewhat of a writer and I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote two chapters of my new idea...my NEW Middle Grade Fantasy..
I know what you're thinking-- "It will never last, she'll give up on it soon!"
You would be right. But hell, maybe I'm not a great writer or ever will be but I just love it so much. So I figure, Screw it, I'll write what I want until something sticks like an inoperable tumor.
I thought since I stabbed you in the back that maybe you would like to read an excerpt from it. Let me know your thoughts because those are the ones that matter.
My only writing friends. Thank you for understanding...yet again.
(Excerpt from chapter two)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Or when someone has crossed eyes? Which eye do you look at? Do they see normally or are they really looking at the ceiling? I find that if I look at the eyebrows I have a pretty okay conversation. You’ll never meet someone with misshapen eyebrows. Unless there was an aerosol can explosion it’s pretty safe to say that the eyebrows are the best focal point for conversing with a person with facial enigmas.
I bet you didn’t know that not only am I an office manager but I manage an office for a company that provides services for people with disabilities. Things like downs syndrome, autism and cerebral palsy, I love that part of my job. You never know when inspiration or disaster will strike. These guys know how to live! Why just the other day a young boy with Down syndrome came to my desk. He’s about eleven and always pats his head. When I say pat I mean smack really friggin’ hard.
I asked him how he was doing and immediately he walks around me desk with a big smile.
I put my hand up to pat his arm and then…WHAMO!
He bitch slaps me on the cheek.
I’m not going to lie. It hurt like hell. But I couldn't stop laughing. It was so awesome that I got bitch slapped at my desk. What’s even better is that I didn’t know it was coming. That just goes to show you that the best things in life come when your not expecting it
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
No not the bottle of shampoo...but a new idea for a book.
Can you f'ing believe it? So far I have 3 unfinished WIP's that I can't even fathoming finishing this year and here comes this idea shuffling its way into my already massacred life. What's odd is that it seems so clear. I'm excited about it in the way you are when you get a new puppy. Its all cute and happy. You want to squeeze it make up stupid names....until it pisses on your carpet and you want to kick in the ribs and drop it in the middle of a desert.
Is this how my new idea will feel once Ive started to write it? Will it be yet another burden? Another cherry to put on my oh so wonderful crap pie?
Or do I embrace the idea? Do I run to it with arms open and just write it? Knowing that I may never get published and I might as well just write whatever crap comes to mind and bludgeon family members and friends with whenever I get the chance?
Sure, it sounds doable.
But then again I can't help but feel the Grim Reaper of failure breathing its rancid fragrance on the back of my neck. If I start this book I may never finish the others..I can hear them now gathering dust, their bad grammar haunting my every thought... the ghost of a not so pleasant past hovering around my life like unpaid property taxes.
What do you do, Dear Blogging Friend...when you have so much unfinished work and come up with a new BETTER idea that you want to write as soon as possible? Do you start the new idea or do you torture yourself with the old one KNOWING that no one will ever read that crap?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Now, I’m not so sure. Not only would I be chubby for all eternity but I would be forced to watch everyone I know and love get old and die. Am I okay with that? Would if be twisted to say if maybe I was okay with it? The good thing is that I know none of you will tell on me.
But I have to wonder what being immortal entails, aside from everyone you know dying right in front of you.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I almost had a cardiac arrest with excitment and peed on myself. First of all I never get awards. In fact I asked my boss this morning if she would give me an appreciation certificate because I felt I deserved it. (yeah, I know I have problems) So this is beyond AWESOME! THANK YOU JOHANA! I am honored and SEVERELY DELIGHTED! People actually do apprciate my rambling nonsense. This is great, okay...
I want to give this to every one of my new friends but I suppose the rules go for only some so here it goes!!
So there is is!! Check em' out! Thanks again so much Johana! Very cool indeed.
My Tuesday offically kicks ass.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It could be the two energy drinks I had this morning. It could because my quarter-written novel is confiscating the only piece of sanity I have left.
I am fully annoyed with myself. I hate that I can't write. I hate even more that I know what I want to write but I just can get focused.
I think what I need is an abrupt and violent smack on the head with inspiration. Or maybe someone could take over my life for a few days so that I could sit in the dark with a laptop and a large glass of rum.
I pick up my pen, a copy of my ms in hand, ready to edit. I'm reading through the first sentence, Two and a Half Men is blaring in the background...no one seems to notice that I'm doing something for myself...it's safe...I read on. Then out of nowhere my skin tightens at the sound of "MOM, I need juice."
Have you ever noticed, or maybe it's just my life, that when you finally do find a small window of time for yourself someone somewhere, immediately needs something? It's "Can you get me a glass of water?" "Can you find my wallet?" "What did you do with the left over steak?" "Can you sign over your soul?"
People tell me that I need to find time for myself in order to write. They say that I need to make it a mandatory priority in my life if I'm going to be happy at all. They say "You should write at night when everyone is asleep.." Well, that would be super if by 9 pm I wasn't so riddled with exhaustion that I almost couldn't produce drool. Abraham Lincoln himself could come over at midnight for tea and crumpets and I would probably shoot him in the face. That's how much I can't stay up at night.
What is going on with these writers, like Stephanie Meyer who talks of this amazing husband who actually let her lock herself up in the room to write? My belief is that her marriage is a complete fabrication of lies and tall tales. Maybe she omitted that he was a paraplegic. My logic tells me that unless he was bed ridden and lost his legs in a terrifying cheese grading accident that he was constantly breathing down her neck. I also think that she added him to her acknowledgements because he is extremely insecure and needed validation of her love through copyrights and global appreciation and she wanted to shut him up before she drank his blood.
But that's just me.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
You eat...then you smoke.
You're insanely angry...then you smoke.
You have to pay property taxes..then you smoke.
You realize your manuscript is a tangled mess that possibly you are the only one on earth that will appreciate it....you smoke.
Someone just put a stack of employee files on your desk to thoroughly audit...wait I need to smoke first.
It is the perfect extension of emotions to which I am grateful. Sure, I'm going to age faster, my voice with wither and become raspy but hopefully in a sexy Lindsey Lohan sort of way. This is my blog post to praise my cigarettes. Thank you for being there when no one else was. If you were a man I would marry you...then years later resent you for ruining my life...which is how most romances end. NEVERTHELESS, you are my friend that I am intensely appreciative of.
Now I must go home. I am at my mothers house and needless to say I have grown weary of the company of eyeless dogs and strange smells... It is a pleasant mixture of vodka and darkness. Perfect for a writer...hmm..maybe I should come over more often.
Alas, I have a mound of something to do. Of that I am sure.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I am at work with a mountain of paperwork and files on my desk. It's safe to say I won't get any writing done. I know how disappointed you must be.
I'd like to talk about outlines and how they pertain to me. About 6 months ago I attempted to start an outline. I was fully involved in getting one going. I assumed that all writers used outlines and that I should too for the sake of being in the "in crowd". Until I realized what a nerd I was being thinking that writers were even in a "in crowd" at all. I tormented myself, pulled out my hair, cursed the skys, "WHY CAN'T I WRITE AN OUTLINE,DAMN YOU!"
But luckliy for me, I give up ideas very easily and an outline was an idea I forgot all about. I decided I didn't need it... it turns out I really didn't.
I cannot seem to wrap my head around a functioning outline. I always change my mind and mostly the whole format just makes me want to punch something. Does anyone out there start a project with an outline? Because if you do, you are now and forever my hero. Much like math, I do not get outlines. However, I commend and am slightly jealous of those who do. I always watch in awe when someone is overly organized. These people seem so in control...glassy like the ocean before a tsunami..
My brain is like an IPAD and a blackberry all in one. Sure, there are the occasional glitches where I forget to put on deodorant or toss my car keys in the freezer, sight unseen, but I've lived this long on pure brain power. Which isn't saying much since I possess more similarities to lawn gnome then an actual human being. Except slightly better looking.
I like the thought of my writing spilling straight out onto a blank ms word document wild and misshapen. It's a mess, it's hard to read, people will never buy it. That's fine with me because above all else, editing is my favorite thing to do. It's like adding flesh onto a skeleton. As I edit I feel like a I finally have my soul back. That it sits with me and wanders through the golden wheat fields as my heroine gradually loses her mind. Stephen King says it best...
"Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe."
Please note that from this moment on I will never use an outline as a means to follow order! I will use post-it notes for ideas and various scribblings in random notebooks. These will be the vessels in which to record my thoughts should inspiration strike! A post-it note can go a long way if you write very small...Unfortunately my hands are freakishly large.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Being busy at work mixed with kids and a co-dependent significant other makes it next to impossible to write or even think of writing. My characters won't talk to me anymore. It's safe to say they hate my guts. They are probably at a bar right now having a pitcher of New Castle discussing what a flake I am. I even think they are avoiding my text messages.
Rapidly I am losing hope. Everyday I say to myself "Today you will write!" and theres always a reason I don't. Let me paint a better picture for you so I don't look like such a lagger. I am tired. Not just tired but extremely monstrously tired. It's everyday, not just a certain part of the day. I cannot catch up with myself. I have self-diagnosed chronic fatigue and mild obsessive compulsive disorder. If I didn't have kids I would live in a small attic in London looking over a landfill. Just depressing enough to get some good writing done.
So here I am at work, sitting dis-tractable at my oversized oak/particle board desk. My hair is screaming for a brush and my McDonald coffee is getting dangerously cold. I hear the typing of keyboards floating out of the other offices, the transferring of meaningless calls. My manuscript is in a file in my documents folder...will I open it? Do I dare to write only to give up for some frivolous reason?
You bet I will.
Friday, March 5, 2010
I'll have you know, whoever you are, that I am back on track and in the grand 'ol think machine, turning the gears trying to get the clutch un-stuck, the engine roars to life and I jolt forward into fiction land!!! Hopefully.
It's a good thing too, because reality just isn't a fun place. For someone my age I definitely hold up the whole world on my shoulders and to top it all off I'm getting sick again. My diet it boring me to death and I miss carbs. How will I ever delve into my imagination when I'm constantly thinking of bread and ding dongs? Maybe I should write about the effects of a carb-less life and fixations on whip cream?
I have just recently come to the grips of realizing how many people are actually writing books right now? It is beyond insane. Each one of these people built worlds and characters and knows their book is good. But how many of them will get published? Will I get published? Probably not. So what do we do, how do we continue on the vast road of publish-hood? We convince ourselves it will work out that you will find your soul mate in an agent and they will realize that you are the next big thing.
Or like me, you convince yourself that writing is the only thing you have that you actually don't dread doing. It isn't a chore, your characters don't want you to rub their feet or do their laundry. They only want you to write them.
So, starting Monday... I will write like the wind. My heroine will change her attitude thus becoming more insane and detached, which I'm excited about. My hero will be driving with me to work, smoking his cigarette, sitting in concentrated silence. Thats how I like my men, silent and smoking.
have a good weekend whoever you are!!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
However, I am happy to say that I can smell and taste today and a result of that is a half a pack of my beloved cigarettes and six to eight cups of heavliy creamed coffee. I am at work and ALMOST focused on what I should be doing, complete with a to-do list that I complied this morning, which I've mostly just stared at. I've started writing my book again and have been bombarded with new ideas and plot twist thanks to the caffiene boost! I am excited to get to writing again.
A few months back when everyone I knew was on board with me (about me writing a book) everyone wanted to read the rough draft and be involved and now its like it never happened. No one has asked about it at all. Not that I care, because I would rather be left alone when it comes to my imagination land, but its just funny to me.
I doubt anyone reads any of these blogs I post, but thats alright too. It reminds me of having a journal, like I did in Jr.High. Nothing special just words about unimportant things. BUT, if I leave work today and die in a horrible accident that involves a cement truck and a pigeon, someone will come on here and see that I wasn't just a robot strapped to a routine life, that I actually had something else going on in my head beside what to make for dinner and when the cable should be paid.
Life is a funny thing.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The best thing about writing, you build it, you imagine it, the characters are your close friends.
The worst thing, there is no one around to tell you to knock off your insane ramblings and focus on the bigger picture.
Where is a cloning machine when you need one? I could use another me around to slap me in the head when I stall and procrastinate!! Bucket List Item #1- Build Cloning Machine.